Megs and Harry,

Hey, guys. It’s me again. Congratulations on making a tiny human! Archie is going to bring you so much joy. And, as Wills has predicted, many sleepless nights. Of course, he’ll also bring you endless nappy changes, random banshee-crying fits, sore nipples (Meghan, but hey, maybe Harry, too), and an end to adult time for the foreseeable future. Welcome to parenthood!

A quick note on baby products that helped us get through the first eight weeks:

One, a giant swaddle. Oh. My. God. Swaddles are slices of heaven sent to earth to calm crying babies. Seriously. Invest in a few so you’re never short-handed.

Two, glow-in-the-dark dummies, if Archie’s into that. Once your straitjacket, I mean swaddle, is in place, pop that dummy in and listen to the ensuing silence with smug satisfaction.

Three, a white-noise machine. We had pretty good luck with a sheep that made different noises when you pressed its legs. We’ve carried the noise-thing into the nursery as the mobile above the cot bed also works wonders.

I’m not going to dispense any more advice because I know you both have no time for anything but the baby, sleeping, and maybe eating at some point. But I do have a request for both of you:

Megs, as a fellow American living in England, it is our duty to raise our children so they celebrate both halves of their heritage. Half-Yankee, half-Redcoat is no easy task, but seeing as Archie will probably spend most of his time in Ol’ Blighty, I implore you to teach him such American staples such as how to pronounce zebra correctly (“zee-bra,” not “zeb-rah”), all the words to the Star-Spangled Banner, and imperial measurements. And, of course, apple pie and baseball.

Harry, as a fellow attack helicopter pilot, I’m counting on you to introduce your son to the inside of a cockpit well before his first birthday. Lift, drag, weapons-to-target match, and (the most important) an unrivaled radio voice are important life skills, for sure. Service is a beautiful thing, whether in the military or not, and I trust you’ll impart this wisdom to your offspring.

That’s all for you lovely folks. Try to remember the countless well-wishes from your fans during these first few months, take it one day at a time, and give me a shout if you need anything.



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