Come Again?

Gems from my daughter.

• “I’m going to give my brother a rubbish present… because he’s a trash panda.” Need to stop calling the boy “trash panda” from Guardians…
• “Oh my lordy!” She must get that from me.
• “Ho-teal!” For hotel. Because apparently her American half is Southern.
• “Hee-hore.” Eeyore.
• “Mummy, you have to close the blinds and then it will be less more darker.”
• “Radiheater.” Radiator.
• “Hokey-cokey.” The Brits strike again. But we all know it’s hokey pokey.
• Do you know the difference between girls and boys? She thinks hard. “Girls have eyebrows.”
• “Mom,” she says, rubbing my face with her tiny hands, “tomorrow I’m going to polish you until you sparkle.”
• “Slow coach.” Don’t you mean, “slow poke?” But no, in British English it really is coach.
• At night: “See you later, crocodile!”
• “Momma, I just can’t help myself: I’m a chatterbox.” Me, too.
• “Momma, can I cook with you and Dadda when I’m older?” Sure, honey. “Like, when I’m… 87?”
• “That’s actually annoying my ears.”
• “Mummy, did you know bears are scared of thunderstorms?” Oh, really? How should we comfort them? Long pause. “Umbrellas.”
• Big sigh. “I just have so many questions!”
• “Momma, can you smell for feathers?”
• After a ten-minute pretend hair salon session: “You look beautiful, darling!” Thanks, darling.
• “Cricket hands!” She means catch.
• “I’m going to parachute when I’m 10.”
• “F*cking baby!” Oh, man. That’s 100% the Marine in me coming out in my darling daughter. She draws me a swear jar the next day.
• “Mom!” she says, rolling around the floor on my foam roller, “I’m doing body percussion!”
• “Momma, I’m going outside for a little bit.” Oh, am I too boring? “Yeah.”
• Both of us bouncing on Trampy the Trampoline: “Momma, is your pelvic floor okay?”
• “Mom,” my daughter whispers, “guess what?” What’s up? “I have hair in my nose… Just like YOU!”

I’d love to say I’m making any of this up, but you know I’m not.

Ah, kids.